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Archive for October, 2007

Control

Ah, ’tis the season to have my favorite fall meal of all time: grilled cheese and tomato soup. And now, with my new toaster oven, i can conveniently make grilled cheese in my toaster instead of having to use a pan, then WASH a pan, and my god that’s too much work. So really, it’s a toasted cheese sandwich, but i digress. But actually, if you want to get technical, grilled cheese is much better than toasted cheese sandwiches because with the toaster, the cheese doesnt have time to melt before your toast is burnt. With grilled cheese, you get the cheesy, gooey, cheesiness all up in that mutha. I would eat that shit every. fucking. day. But somewhere, at some time, i heard the nasty rumor that too much grilled cheese makes you FAT. And no one wants to get the fat.

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Correction

Readers,

It has come to my attention that I painfully neglected to mention in my last post that the toaster i received is no ordinary, run-of-the-mill toaster. This toaster is apparently called a toaster OVEN and therefore henceforth, it now makes complete sense that i can toast things with cheese on top. Because i guess i didnt think about the fact that people were reading my last post, pulling their hair out at the image of me constantly placing slices of gleaming cheese vertically in a regular, dumb old toaster. The honest truth is (and is there any other kind?), I would never place cheese vertically in ANYTHING. So please take this post as an official correction and apology. Now i’m going to go toast some crap. Good day.

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So, my sister bought me a toaster for my birthday, and i waited and waited and waited and finally found this giant package sitting in front of my apartment door. You would have thought she packaged a small horse inside that box, except there were no holes poked into the box…unless she decided to package a small dead horse, which IS TOTALLY POSSIBLE because she has one in a cage just outside her window. It’s true. I seen it. But Tara would never do that because she’s got a heart and soul and has to pay taxes four times a year. What this tangent has to do with my toaster I will never know. Anyway, I got my toaster, unwrapped it, plugged it in, and immediately started toasting the shit out of everything i could find. Bread? Toasted. Kristen’s bagels? Toasted beyond recognition. (sorry kristen!) I love this thing. Now i can have the following items whenever i please:
Toast.
Toast with cheese.
Bagels.
Bagels with cheese.
English muffins.
English muffins with cheese.

Tara, thank you for making me the happiest twin this side of the (insert name of river that is between vegas and kansas.) Your gift is in the mail.

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I heard yesterday that Obama and Chaney are distant cousins, linked by some dude in the 16th century. What. The. Fuck. ONLY in this world are the two most opposite, good/evil (respectively) politicians r.e.l.a.t.e.d.
Vote Obama!

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I have come to the conclusion that everything Tina Fey touches turns to gold. Since getting the first season of 30 Rock on dvd for my birthday, I have not stopped laughing. Why, i don’t think i’ve chuckled so hard, so consistently since Mean Girls, and before that, since Tina Fey was on Weekend Update with Jimmy Fallon, and before THAT, since I saw my sister do the robot on stage in Vegas and immediately realized that yes, i am actually watching my sister. Doing the robot. IN VEGAS. And then i won $600 dollars on the slots and forgot about the whole thing. Man, christmas ’06 was a good time. But i digress. Watch 30 Rock.

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Eggs and the City

The past two Saturday nights, I’ve gotten a bit tipsy and woken up with a bit of a headache (i.e. hungthefuckover.) So, for the past two Sunday breakfasts, i’ve made the most delicious egg burritos ever. The ingredients are simple, really: a couple eggs, slightly scrambled, razzle-dazzled with pepper and shredded cheese. I chop up some Morning Star sausage links and throw it all together in a wheat tortilla. The result is scrumptious. Add me some orange juice, coffee and a shower, and i’m ready to dominate. Now, if only my sister could send me my birthday toaster, the possibilities for hangover-cures would be endless.

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Rear-end my heart

So, this evening, on my way home from work, i got rear-ended. And now I’m having a nice, big, glass of wine. Suck it, bad day! Suck it!

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